“I bought 6 BTC years ago when the prices were really low.”
Who would tell you this on a first date? Well, this woman did just that.
For context, we touched on investments before our date, and I mentioned that I also hold crypto, amongst other things.
It’s one thing to say that you hold a “small amount” of crypto as part of my portfolio…but 6 BTC? Now that’s making a statement.
At this point, a few things come to mind. They:
1) are flexing
2) want you to feel insecure/jealous
3) believe that they’re “good” with money or smart (more on this below)
4) are bluffing (unlikely, but still possible)
Making a significant windfall from BTC/crypto doesn’t necessarily make you good with money. Yes, you’ve done well financially from this, and it will boost your happiness, even just temporarily.
Whether this involves $500K cars, private jets, white powder, befriending red-pill gurus and (OF) ladies of the night, that’s up to you, but I do not condone these things, FYI.
However, what does matter is reinvesting the majority of the wealth where you can (eventually) live comfortably off the interest earned from your assets (which should also account for inflation).
How do people perceive you as a Bitcoin/crypto enthusiast?
I see this as a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, you have far greater financial independence than the average person with zero to minuscule digital-asset holdings.
With high ambitions and a desire to find good providers, this can be a drawcard. There’s also the psychological benefit of not having to stress about money.
However, on the flip side, I don’t trust people who focus on money and are so open about their finances, especially on a first date.
If you lead with money, you’ll most likely attract the wrong crowd unless you desperately yearn to be part of that. You’ll probably never be fulfilled.
If you’re a cheapskate acting like an aspiring bean counter, you’ll probably come across as a pain in the backside, and an obsession will consume you to save every penny. Please don’t be a tighta$$ either.
To play devil’s advocate, having people who are heavily indebted and lack any ambitions to resolve this issue is just as alarming, if not more.
Notice I mentioned ‘people’, not partners. A lot of this discussion is not limited to romantic relationships. There are many things I don’t even mention to friends and family members.
These people (yes, even your own family) can turn against you when they hear about your USD value in Bitcoin or altcoins, so be careful what you say.
Gender, finances and an inferiority complex
As a straight man, there’s also the aspect of an inferiority complex. I believe it is more common than you think.
Whoever gloats about the hundreds of thousands of dollars in BTC holdings is trying to make you feel like crap. The exception is that both of you are loaded/have F U money.
There’s the expectation that guys should have more money than women, mostly owing to a gender pay gap. No, I will elaborate on this concept.
Yes, this is changing, particularly in developed Western countries. Yet, many (straight) guys can’t help but feel insecure that their partner is making significantly more than them.
In a 2019 article by Joanna Syrda — Lecturer in Business Economics, University of Bath — published on The Conversation, she noted that men are OK with their “wives or partners earning up to 40% of household income.” She also stated this:
“But their distress levels increase sharply as their spouse’s wages rise beyond that point.”
Add holding BTC, ETH or other digital assets to the mix — let alone significant holdings of other investments — and this could exacerbate the stress in future.
Additional thoughts
What should you tell people if they ask you about your BTC/crypto holdings?
As a simple rule, never say how much you have unless you specifically want a gold digger.
If they insist (which is a bad sign, FYI), never mention anything above $3,000, at least not initially. Depending on your circumstances, this could even be a maximum of $1,000.
Less is more. Keep people guessing, never show your hand, and say less than what you know, particularly when dealing with a highly speculative asset class forecast to grow several-fold in the coming years.
Play dumb, to a certain point. For example, if you pretend not to know anything (or very little) about Bitcoin — let’s be honest, it’s been around for long enough — then I doubt they’ll see you in a favourable light.
My approach is this:
Another person: “What do you think about Bitcoin?”
Me: “From what I’ve heard, it seems promising. So, I’ve put some money into it and follow it here and there.”
You know something about it, but “not too much”.
Moreover, my dates (let alone most of my family) know nothing about my writing work, and I will keep it this way until I have established enough trust….after several months, perhaps years, not after one or two dates.
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Consider this: Suppose you have $50,000 in BTC or crypto at one point, and you tell your partner this. Two months later, this has collapsed to $10,000.
Imagine how they would react. If the opposite happens ($10K to $50K in 2M), they’ll most likely give you a nice reward that night… or for many to come 😉.
Now, there’s an important consideration to make. All of this assumes that you are using your own money, ideally, what you earned before you met your partner, not their funds.
If you plan to go down the rabbit hole together and assign funds to your favourite digital asset(s), then you must be transparent about it to your other half or vice-versa, whoever’s managing the coins/tokens.
Don’t be a jerk by discounting their opinion regarding this. Provided that they are a decent*/good* person, what you have together is more important than your digital assets. Ideally, you want both of these.
*Otherwise, run for your life.
There are two other elements at play here.
Firstly, from my experience using dating profiles over the years and having spoken to single women through my previous work, I know some still treat Bitcoin and crypto with suspicion.
Life is more than just Bitcoin or crypto (for most of us), so don’t be so enthusiastic about it when interacting with potential partners.
Even at a Bitcoin/crypto conference, if you plan on finding a potential BF/GF there, I hope you are interested in discussing something besides blockchain or finance.
Secondly, tying it back into the first line of this post, if we reversed the roles and I told a date that I held 6 BTC, I reckon part of them would feel insecure about their finances, at least at some point.
What many men don’t realise is bragging about how much you have is often a turn-off for women in some countries, notably Nordic ones, but not exclusively those.
Anyone who does this comes across as insecure, even if they’re not.
I know, in the USA, it’s a different kettle of fish. You Muricans celebrate wealth, status and achievements and have less tall poppy syndrome than some English-speaking countries (e.g., Australia, New Zealand, Canada).
Anyhow, there’s a risk that you could be scaring off good women who would have found you fiscally responsible and emotionally attractive, not just physically, a.k.a. a well-rounded hombre.
I don’t paint all women with the same brush, and I mock those who lump all (straight) men into the same category.
Each to their own; don’t say I didn’t warn you.
You can’t take back your words if there’s one major takeaway. Once the information is out there, it cannot be reversed, like trying to unsee things from certain websites…
Be careful what you say and whom you trust, particularly regarding finances.
P.S. I focus on Bitcoin/crypto/blockchain, not relationship content. I deliberately chose to refrain from discussing how this affects non-heterosexual people as I speak from my (and probably most guys’) experience. Please keep any comments relevant to this asset class.
P.P.S. I chose not to continue seeing this woman because I didn’t think we were compatible. Nonetheless, I thank her for giving me the idea to write this piece.
Further reading
Disclaimers
• N.B. None of this is financial or relational advice; I am neither a financial advisor nor a counsellor/psychologist. You are ultimately responsible for your investments, how you treat others and your life in general.
• The opinions expressed within this piece are my own and might not reflect those behind any news outlet, person, organisation, or otherwise listed here.
• Please do your research before investing in any crypto assets, staking, NFTs or other products affiliated with this space.
• For transparency, Bitcoin (BTC) accounts for roughly 25% of my crypto portfolio. Way too little for some and too much for others.
• Please stay away from the white powder, amongst other vices.